So really long story really short: I'm not working at Rockn Rocks any more.  It makes me sad.  But after a while they kept hiring and laying off so many people that I didn't like who I was working with any more.  It's cool though.

I've changed my mind again as far as school goes.  Instead of rushing to get a Biology major and French major in two and a half years I'm going to take my time.  This coming September I'm going to Orleans, France to study for a year and complete my French major.  Then I'm moving back home to get a minor in English, just because I need one and it will be easy.  When I come back from Orleans I am going to look into getting a Biology major at Western Carolina University.  I still want to get a Biology degree, it's just that the way I had it planned out I was going to drive myself nuts.  So I'm going to try taking it slow.

I had more to say, but I forgot it.  Sorry!

School! Home! Relationships! AHH!  School is a nightmare that will never end.  Home is a nightmare that I'm forced to live in.  Relationships are dreams that have become nightmares.  It seemed so simple at first when I decided to do a dual major.  It'd be a lot easier if I had known years ago what I wanted to do.  Now I'm trying to cram everything into a year and a half and I'm feeling the pressure.  I can do it.  It's just that it's so overwhelming and I'm too busy looking at the big picture instead of taking everything a step at a time.  I don't know what to do about home.  Dad's drinking more than ever it seems; and I've gotten to the point that it pisses me off to come home just because I know I have to come back to see him wasting away.  Mom, Kala and I can't do a thing about it either because the man refuses to admit he has a problem.  And relationships...where do I start.  My friend Brittany up and decided she couldn't stand the sight of me a couple of months ago.  We're estranged now and I have no idea what I did.  Demontis, after proposing and preaching about the many happy years to come, decided that he wanted to play first.  So after moving into his house, he started sleeping with his bestfriend's sister behind my back.  Didn't tell me until months afterwards because he "didn't want to have to deal with it."  Solving the mystery of why we broke up in the first place.  Then, once we finally start talking again, he tells me that it was because he and Mindy got into a fight and he wanted to remember the old times.  I told him the next time he wanted something old he should try smoking weed again.  And then my "bestfriend" Katherine demands to know why she hasn't seen me in months and it's taking all my will-power to keep from telling her it's because she spends every waking moment with her husband and has shot me down everytime I've tried to make plans for us to meet up.  Whatever.  My life in the nut shell. 

On the up side, I'm going to be taking Reiki 1 classes at Celestial Esscents starting next month, I think.  I'm looking forward to that.  I've also started studying Pilates and I'm going to start yoga come January 14th.  Fun!

So I've noticed as I meet more friends here, and even looking back at Donna's circles at CE, there is a lot of focus on the Goddess, but the God is pretty much forgotten.  He's mentioned in passing, but everywhere I turn people seem to be more intune with the Goddess.  I know that the colder, winter months are associated with the God's passing into Summerland... but I don't feel like we shouldn't pay him homage simply because of this.  Every offering Donna makes, every spell we weave, every prayer... it's all dedicated to the Goddess, with no real mention of the God.  I guess it's strange for me because I find myself associating more with things that are linked to the God.  Morning over night.  Sun over moon.  Spring and summer and fall over winter.  It's very possible that I'm not seeing the whole picture or I haven't learned something about why this would be... it just doesn't seem right. 

So it turns out that fire agate is good for dispelling negative energy and sending it back so that the source knows it is doind something harmful.  I was at work today and was looking for something to make, something special to cheer me up and decided to do something with agate.  I chose a botswana agate, fire agate mix.  Came out very pretty.  Different, but pretty.  But yeah, I put it on and guess who showed up around 4?  Demontis.  Came to visit and see how I was doing.  Said his phone got cut off and that's why he hung up on Monday.  I felt all the blood rush out of my head when I realized it was him staring at me thru the window.  He came in and I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry, scream or throw a rock at him.  So I stood there staring at him as he gave me excuse after excuse and I finally said, "Why are you here?"  That's when he told me about the phone and how he was sorry he wasn't picking up when I called.  I looked him straight in the eye and said, "I haven't been calling you.  I sent you one text message and that was to ask you if you wanted your stuff back or if I should burn it.  But you didn't answer."  He said, "Oh.  Really?"  I don't...I'm not sure what to do.  Monday he gave me the assumption that he didn't want anything to do with me.  I can't say for sure if his phone got cut off or not b/c I don't know.  But I had finally gotten it wrapped around my brain that I wasn't going to be able to talk to him anymore and he showed up.  He does it everytime.  I'm still hurt.  There's relief b/c I don't want him completely out of my life.  But he's definitely in the doghouse as far as I'm concerned.  I don't know.  We'll see.  I kinda just want to be single right now.  Anyway I just think that it's funny that all this happened while I was wearing fire agate.  Some cowinkydink, huh?

First and foremost, Happy Samhain everyone!  I hope everyone has a blessed day.  I feel like this should be a day that I put everything that has happened up to this point behind me, but it hurts so much.  Demontis and I broke up two days ago.  After four years he's decided that I have been placed in the honorable position of "just a friend and nothing more".  I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.  It's nice because I haven't been single in four years.  And while I never really felt restricted, I loved being with him, there seems to be a weight off my chest.  On the other hand I feel like I've lost something terribly precious to me.  I told a few friends and they asked me what I was going to do about it.  What can I do about it?  I could drug him and force him to stay with me against his will, but there are problems with that.  One: I couldn't actually do it, moral values and all.  Two: I'd basically have to keep him drugged for eternity, so what would be the point in having him if he was asleep all the time.  The only thing that made it a little easier was that he asked me to still go to France and become successful.  My jaw hit the dashboard I swear.  I told him that was happening regardless, it didn't matter who he was I wasn't throwing away 20 years of blood, sweat, and lessons learned just because he decided I wasn't "new" anymore.  He said good and hung up.  Yeah this was all over the phone.  And the thing that irks me is I know I should be mad, my mom was, but I'm not.  It's just a bummer that I'm feeling down on such a special day. 

And they layed off Tereasa at work yesterday.  She called me during Zoo lab to tell me.  After I got out of class I called Ruthann, told her to be straight with me and asked if I was going to have a job when I walked in today.  She said yes.  But they let Tereasa go...  Another thing to make me sad. 

I'm still at home.  I'm trying to stay busy at nights to avoid dad.  But mom is being totally awesome with everything as usual.  It's relaxing too to hear Kala's music from downstairs shaking the foundation of the house (my fault because I bought her a wicked awesome stereo system last year) and Oden and Prancer waking me up at 4 because they are hungry.  Speaking of Oden, he's relishing the fact that he's the only man in my life.  I think he knows because right after it happened he came in and flung himself all over me like "Yes!  She's mine, the fool!"  And he is bound and determined to break my ametrine into a million pieces. 

I dressed up for work today.  Made my hair poofy, put on my skirt and I must admit it feels more me than my usual baggy pants and t-shirt.  Not because it's a skirt (ha! far from it).  But for today, I can be a witch out in the open and have nothing to fear.  Everyone thinks I'm role-playing.  It's so much fun.

OOooo... one more thing.  I splurged and got myself a trunk for my supply of all things magick.  It's old.  The paint is chipping off and the wood has seen better days.  I love it.  I'm cleaning it up right now and by the end of the week hopefully it will be my alter/storage unit.  No more make-up kit!  Woot! I'll get a picture of it and me (in my costume and robe, when it's finished) and put them up as soon as I can find a digital camera to borrow.

I feel better now.  HAPPY SAMHAIN!!!!!